Foreign Signs

In a Tokyo Hotel: Is forbitten to steal hotel towels please. If you
are not person to do such thing is please not to read notis.

In another Japanese hotel room: Please to bathe inside the tub.

In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day.
During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.

In a Leipzig elevator: Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when
lit up.

Funny Answering Machine Messages

Roses are red, some willows weep, please leave your message, after the beep

"Hi, we aren't in at the moment, if you are trying to sell us something please start speaking now and hang up at the beep, everyone else start speaking at the beep and hang up when you've finished."

I'm not here, so say goodbye, or leave a message, and I'll reply

Like Barney (the purple dinosaur):
I'll call you, cause you called me. We're the ______ family. So leave your
name and number at the tone. Sorry that we're not at home.

Water Slide Accident

The Time I Lost Control of My Bowels on the Water Slide
Date: 2006-11-16, 10:56AM MST

Freudian Slip

A patient says, "Doctor, last night I made a Freudian slip. I was having dinner with my mother-in-law and wanted to say: 'Could you please pass the butter?'
But instead I said: 'You silly cow, you have completely ruined my life."

From funny2.com

Stella Awards

It's time once again to consider the candidates for the annual Stella Awards. The Stella's are named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled coffee on herself and successfully sued McDonalds. That case inspired the Stella Awards for the most frivolous successful lawsuits in the United States.

The following are this year's candidates:

Why Americans Should Never Be Allowed To Travel

The following are actual stories provided by travel agents:

I had someone ask for an aisle seats so that his or her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window.

A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?"

Our Childhood

According to today's regulators and bureaucrats, those of us who were kids in the 50's, 60's, 70's and early 80's probably shouldn't have survived, because...

Our baby cots were covered with brightly coloured lead-based paint which was promptly chewed and licked.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, or latches on doors or cabinets and it was fine to play with pans.

When we rode our bikes, we wore no helmets, just flip flops and fluorescent 'clackers' on our wheels.

A Polite Letter From The Smithsonian

THIS IS AN ACTUAL LETTER FROM THE ARCHIVES OF THE SMITHSONIAN.

Paleoanthropology Division
Smithsonian Institute
207 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, DC 20078

Dear Sir:

Hospital Chart Bloopers

Actual writings on hospital charts:

* She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

* Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

* On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.

* The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

* The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

* Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.

I'm Sick

A guy works a new job on Thursday and Friday. On Monday he calls in and says, "I can't come in today. I'm sick."

He works the rest of the week, but the following Monday he calls in and says, "I can't come in today. I'm sick."

The boss asks the foreman about him, and the foreman says, "He's great. He does the work of two men. We need him."

So the boss calls the guy into his office, and says, "You seem to have a problem getting to work on Mondays. You're a good worker and I'd hate to fire you. What's the problem? Anything we can help you with? Drugs? Alcohol?"

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