Out of the Mouths of Babes

Woman #1: It's really small, you know, but the sex is wonderful.
Woman #2: You mean he's rich?
Woman #1: Yeah. Exactly.

--Union Square
http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/
Source:
http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/

Hey, Man, Where Do You Think Families Come From?

Young woman #1: Guys never want to eat me out.
Middle-aged dad with kids: Hey, we're trying to eat over here.
Young woman #1: See, even hearing about it freaks them out.
Young man at next table: Maybe I can take a look for you and give you my assessment.
Middle-aged dad with kids: For God's sake, this is a family restaurant!
Young woman #2: You have a very controversial vagina.

Keepin it real dumb

Dumb teen: Hey, look at this! It says "Train for jobs in biotch."
Smarter teen: Fool! That word is biotech. Why you gotta be ignorant all your life?

Source:
http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/

The Fallacy of Insufficient Sample Size

Guy: I was seeing her for a while, but it just wasn’t working out. I guess I’m not over Jessica.
Girl: What?
Guy: What do you mean, what?
Girl: I thought you were gay.
Guy: Oh, because I’m a hairdresser. How original. Just because I’m a hairdresser you think I’m gay.
Girl: No. I thought you were gay because when I stayed at your house four years ago I woke up and saw you fucking Matt in the ass!
Guy: Oh my God. Matt and I have never talked about that night.

No Sex Tonight

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says “I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.”

I said “WHAT??!! What was that?!”

Lipstick

According to a news report, a certain private school in Victoria, BC recently was faced with a unique problem.

A number of year 12 girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints. Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day the girls would put them back.

The Perfect Man and the Perfect Woman

Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect.

One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car (a Grand Caravan) along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help.

Q&A on College

Copyright 2007 W. Bruce Cameron

Having a child in college is the best cure I know for some of the
worst symptoms of middle age, such as savings accounts and vacations.
It's sort of the financial equivalent of stepping into an elevator
shaft--except that in this case, at the end of each semester the
elevator takes you back up to the top floor so you can do it again.

Bad Baseball Names

KUNTZ AND RANDYS

RUSTY KUNTZ Kuntz had a .236 lifetime batting average — seems his bat was rusty, too. Good ol’ Rusty. I cherish my Rusty Kuntz baseball cards more than anything. They’re worth about a nickel apiece, but the joy I got out of seeing the name “Rusty Kuntz” is priceless. He inspired this list and my fascination for bad baseball names. Thanks, Kuntz!

Woman jailed for testicle attack

A woman who ripped off her ex-boyfriend's testicle with her bare hands has been sent to prison.

Amanda Monti, 24, flew into a rage when Geoffrey Jones, 37, rejected her advances at the end of a house party, Liverpool Crown Court heard.

She pulled off his left testicle and tried to swallow it, before spitting it out. A friend handed it back to Mr Jones saying: "That's yours."

Monti admitted wounding and was jailed for two-and-a-half years.

'Pulled hard'

Pages

Subscribe to FMBV RSS